I believe. Help my unbelief!

It's started - my load is a bit lighter. Last night I got rid of my kitchen table & chairs. Now there is a big empty space in my dining room, and with it came the first real pangs of the reality of my leaving. As my friend Matt said to me "your bonds are in your heart, not the table legs". But I realized, it's more than just another goodbye to a place. After 3 years of being a missionary, I'm just now letting go of the majority of my worldly possessions. I know, I know - it's just stuff. I like my stuff. I have nice stuff! It took me years to acquire it all. It's mine! Um, actually, nothing is mine. It all belongs to Him. This is just my fear, and my pride, getting in the way. I keep thinking "what if I need my furniture later?". Truth - God will provide what I need, when I need it. This hypothetical furniture might not be as nice as what I have now, but He is certainly capable of providing something even nicer! Or, if not, my little sister Barbie pointed out that I'll probably have the perfect furniture in Heaven. HA - Now, that is some good perspective. 1 more month! "[God] is not proud...He will have us even though we have shown that we prefer everything else to Him."--The Problem of Pain, CS Lewis

A few drops vs. the ocean

I love coming across something in my reading that so perfectly fits into my own personal struggles at that moment. Yesterday I read this by Jonathan Edwards:

"To go to heaven, fully to enjoy God, is infinitely better than the most pleasant accommodations here: better than fathers and mothers, husbands, wives, or children, or the company of any or all earthly friends. These are but shadows; but God is the substance. These are but scattered beams; but God is the sun. These are but streams; but God is the fountain. These are but drops; but God is the ocean."

Wow. I think that even works with following God's plans for you while walking through this life. I have rather pleasant accommodations right now. I have a beautiful apartment at the mission, overlooking a lake. I have stuff... like furniture. I have a job/ministry that I am passionate about. I have a lot of friends in Florida. I mean - a LOT. I've always been pretty social, but I've never had such a huge group of Christian friends who like to do all kinds of fun activities. And it's not just quantity, it's quality! Really, as always, my friends are my accommodations. I love them and can't imagine leaving them. But these are just drops; God is the ocean. I have been on this path for several years now. In fact, 3 years ago I was leaving to head to Papua New Guinea to serve there for 14 months. It was hard to leave my home in Wisconsin to travel to the other side of the world. I was devastated to leave my family & friends. But I LOVED it there. I'd never been so happy. Then 2 years ago, I cried all the way from PNG to the USA because I didn't want to leave my hut and my PNG family, or the life I'd enjoyed there, to live in Orlando of all places. But I've loved it here too! Today I was accepted to the New Tribes Bible Institute in Waukesha, WI. It's official - I'm leaving Florida and my life here. I obviously knew this was coming, but there's something about it being official that hit me pretty hard. Thankfully, I can look back over the last 3 years and see that even though the transition to each new place was BRUTAL, God has been faithful to provide to my every need. Including amazing friends. I KNOW, from my own experience, that if I follow where He leads, everything is going to be ok. Better than ok - because it will be from "...him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine". It feels awful right now. It feels unfair and too hard and I don't want to do it! But I know it's time to go, to move forward, and I have a strong suspicion that I will love what's next too. "Because He is God, He is worthy of my trust and obedience. I will find rest nowhere but in His holy will, a will that is unspeakably beyond my largest notions of what He is up to." ~ Elisabeth Elliot

First post of this year? I'm not much of a blogger

Hopefully if you are in my life you have been updated by me personally on the twists & turns my journey has taken me down, but let's review... * After my trip to Belize last year I spent a month terribly sick. It turns out I had e.coli, along with some other Third-World Mystery Bacteria. After lots of labwork, a CT scan & a colonoscopy, I got a large dose of some serious anti-biotics and everything cleared up. Trips to the doctor are never simple for me - they keep finding more stuff wrong with me. It kind of makes me want to avoid doctor's entirely. (I have conflict-avoidance issues, clearly.) During this process it was discovered that I have ovarian cysts. While painful, they aren't serious enough to surgically remove, so I'm thankful for that. * I was able to spend Christmas at home with my family for the first time in several years. So fun! *In the beginning of February I converted my friends to Packer Fans!*At the end of February one of my favorite Germans - Jonny Ax - came to the U.S. for a visit. We served in PNG together 2008-'09 and have been trying to make plans to see each other again ever since. We went to the beach, visited State parks, went to a Strawberry Festival (where we introduced him to the wonders of fried foods & chocolate covered bacon), and spent a day at Universal Studios. It was great to be reunited and have fun together. In PNG we didn't have the freedom or opportunity to do much besides work together, so this was a refreshing change!

A day at the beachFlorida Strawberry FestivalManatee at Blue Springs State Park

*Now I'm in the process of applying to the New Tribes Bible Institute in Waukesha, WI. I have everything done except the Physical form (thanks, once again, to multiple trips to the doctor & more lab work being ordered. My stupid body is just falling apart! I can't wait for Heaven). I'm planning to leave Florida on August 11th, meeting up with my family in Alabama on the 12th (for my Aunt & Uncle's 40th anniversary party), and arriving in Wisconsin some time around the 16th or 17th. I found a place to live just a couple of blocks away from the campus. And I'm very excited to be starting the Bible School with a couple of Interface Alumni that I've known in Papua New Guinea! We're all very excited to go through the training together, and hope to serve overseas together at some point too! That's if for logistics right now. Up next will be a long blog all about my emotions & thoughts these last few months. YES! I know you all can't wait! "Fretting springs from a determination to get our own way!" ~ Oswald Chambers

More Belize pics

Where we lived for the week - Bunk House & Kitchen Menu from a local restaurant - Mmmm, Cowfoot soup...

More pics from our morning at the ruins: The Kids

A few of us with Alfred, our bus driver and Creole teacher for the week. We face a humanity that is too precious to neglect. We know a remedy for the ills of the world too wonderful to withhold. We have a Christ too glorious to hide. We have an adventure that is too thrilling to miss. ~ Theodore Williams

Belize!

The week in Belize went by extremely fast! As anticipated, it was SO GREAT to spend time with my Open Door peeps. I loved reconnecting with old friends like Seth (the Youth Pastor), the college kids & teens I already knew, and making some new friends as well. Our "mission", so to speak, was to help build a church for a local pastor who was having services in a room of his home. We spent the mornings either working at the constructions site, or "prayer walking", which was walking around the community and praying with & for the people there. We also invited all the kids (and parents) to join us in the afternoons for Vacation Bible School. What to say about our time there... It was HOT. Yikes! I helped out at the construction site for 2 of the mornings. Once I sifted sand to be used to make concrete. Another time I assisted with putting cement between the blocks to build the walls of the church (I'm sure there is a technical term for that, but all I know is that I used a trowel!) Oh the modern conveniences you miss when on a work site in the jungle. Things like ice. I may or may not have been willing to sell one of the students for a cold drink. (hehehe). Some of my teammates wrote a song that went a little something like this "Jesus Jesus, Send us a breeze-us, to relieve us, down in Belize-us." It became our theme song. It often rained around lunch time, and when I say rain I mean torrential downpour. It felt great! The pastor that we worked with hosted us for lunch every day, and we were treated to delicious Belizean cuisine. I particularly enjoyed the fresh-squeezed lime juice. After lunch the kids started arriving for VBS (Vacation Bible School). We started off with some singing, did crafts together, taught them a Bible Lesson (presenting the Gospel through out the week), and played games with them. The first day we had about 25 kids. By the end of the week we had well over 100, and we decided to do a late-afternoon sports ministry for the teenagers that showed up. Mostly, we played soccer with them. They LOVE soccer. And they loved us. By Friday we had built so many relationships with the kids & parents that we had a pretty dramatic & tearful goodbye on our hands. It was precious.We were able to sneak in a couple of hours sight-seeing. We hiked to the Xunantunich Mayan Ruins. Some of my favorite pics from that day...Of course, some of my favorite moments were just being with my team. It probably sounds silly, but I loved hanging with the girls in the dorm, having them braid my hair, sharing snacks, or fighting over showers. One night I crawled into my top bunk, fully intent on putting in my ear plugs & going to sleep, when all of a sudden a bunch of girls jumped on my bed & the surrounding bunks, and started asking me questions about my life and telling me about theirs. It was so cute! I'm so thankful for that time with And finally, just some shots of Belize that I liked... Thank you, again, for all of the support & prayers for our team. I was proud & honored to be a part of it!

Give me rules, I will break them Show me lines, I will cross them I need more than a truth to believe I need a truth that lives, moves, and breathes To sweep me off my feet, it’s gotta be

More like falling in love than something to believe in More like losing my heart than giving my allegiance Caught up, called out, come take a look at me now It’s like I’m falling in love

Quick Update

Our time at Interface has come to an end. The students had a fantastic time on their side trips (5 days visiting a tribe) and some of them have been challenged into missions! Several members of the team will be starting Bible School either this year or next year. It will be exciting to see how many of them will some day be my coworkers. During our final week I taught my class ("The Blessed Blahs") and we experienced a fun earthquake smack in the middle of it. After I finished answering questions the students serenaded me with a song they wrote just for me... it was to the tune of "Hey Jude" by the Beatles in all "Blahs" in honor of the name of my class. We made it back from PNG with no problems - other than some serious jet lag and a little goodbye anxiety (pretty much all on my part). I leave for a mission trip in Belize on Sunday with the Youth/College group from my home church in Port Washington, WI. I CAN'T WAIT! In the meantime, here are a couple of pictures from my final days in PNG... The Students & I at Lapilo (New Tribes HQ in PNG)

Heti (The Miracle Man) & I

Brush-fire behind my house Students (Lynda & Abigail) & I in my favorite villageBeautiful PNGGoofy Pic of the students & staff together Saying goodbye to Julie & Janie (full-time Interface staff) "Neither go back in fear and misgiving to the past, nor in anxiety and forecasting to the future, but lie quiet under His hand, having no will but His." ~H. E. Manning

Our mouths are filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy

It’s a beautiful day in Bena Land! And today, Rich Foster (tribal missionary to the Bena) witnessed a miracle. Today, Heti returned to the village. It’s just incredible that he survived the stab wound for one thing, but the fact that he didn’t get an infection is nothing short of miraculous. The doctors at the haus sik (hospital) often tell people to go home to their tribes after a surgery because they have a better chance of survival living in the dirt of their huts than at the haus sik – it’s so filthy. The people in the village are calling Heti “The Miracle Man”. Even the doctors said “We didn’t do this. We don’t have the knowledge. Your God did this”. And Heti gives all the glory to Him. When the people tell Heti that he’s so strong he says “I have no strength. God did this”.

Even more incredible is what has happened in Heti’s heart. At first he wanted revenge on his son. When the people came to him and said Ok, it’s great that God is healing you, but we need to kill your son, he said “Yes, kill him”. That’s just the culture here. They don’t know a better way – yet. But the whole night and the next day Heti was quiet and then he said “No, I need to forgive. God’s word says to forgive. I will forgive”. What a testimony to the Bena! We serve an Awesome God. He’s not some old dilapidated grandpa, He is a Mighty God!

In Interface news – the program is moving way too quickly! The students leave on their Side-trip the day after tomorrow. Side Trip is sort of the culmination of all of their classes, when they go live in a tribe (with the missionaries there) for 3-5 days. They are so excited! I will not be able to go with them, as only 2 staff people can go on each trip, and usually couples are the leaders. As much as I’d love to go with the students, I will enjoy my time here at Interface with the rest of the staff, and I’m looking forward to maybe having a day to relax! (Relax – Wait, what is that?!)

Time for some pictures! Here’s a couple of me in the village, learning how to start a bilum (woven bag).

We recently had a mumu in the village. A mumu is a big feast here in PNG. You put a huge pile of food (kaukau – sweet potatoes- tapiok, cooking bananas, cabbage, ferns, other greens, and lamb flaps) over really hot coals, on banana leaves, bury it, pour water on it, and use bamboo as vents to some of the steam out.

We all help peel the potatoes

While the food cooks, everybody hangs out together. Men & Women stay very separate, but everyone can play with the kids."Jesus Christ became Incarnate for one purpose, to make a way back to God that man might stand before Him as he was created to do, the friend and lover of God Himself" ~ Oswald Chambers