January 8, 2008

I need to fill you all in on what God's been doing in my life since my meltdown last week.

I have to say, first of all, that I am so incredibly blessed by how supportive everyone is. I needed encouragement, and my friends & my mom were all over it! I'm reading a book that New Tribes sent me, and it talks about how important it is to have the support of your friends, family members, and your church before you go into Missions. If they are telling you that they don't feel you're ready, or that it's not a good fit for you, you should take it seriously. I'm so relieved that didn't happen to me! Not ONE person hesitated about my decision. Absolutely everyone said "Yes, that is perfect for you! I'm so excited!" Every week at church I have people asking me about how things are going. Even my boss & coworkers are pumped for me.
All of this is to say that God is continuing to make my path clear for me. It feels incredible to have so much affirmation from my peeps, but what I needed even more than that last week was affirmation from God that this is what He really wanted for me. I was doubting my decision. So over the weekend, in the midst of playing in the snow at Fort Wilderness, I asked Him to remind me of why I started pursuing missions in the first place.

I took some time by myself to go for a little hike so that I could talk to God, and LISTEN to Him. In all of the paperwork & worrying, I had forgotten "the call" I initially had. I thought back to all of the times I'd listened to missionaries talk about their ministry and how my heart would nearly burst with excitement and the desire to be a part of that. How I would get tingly all over just thinking about being a missionary "someday". How everything fell into place when I started looking into PNG- the job that was available for me, and also seemed to so perfectly fit my personality! I felt excited all over again, and the doubts started to fade. Yesterday I received an email saying that in order to get my work visa, the PNG government needs copies of my college & high school diplomas (not just transcrips - but the actual cerfiticate) for the work permit. I was like - Are you kidding me? I have no idea where that stuff is! I called UWSP to see if I could get a copy of my diploma, and they said it would be weeks before I could get it unless by some miracle they had it on file from 11 years ago. So I prayed for a miracle, and asked God to please use this to help confirm for me that He really wanted me on this path. An hour later the records office called me and said "oops, there must have been a mistake because we never sent you your official diploma and still had it on file here! We'll mail it out right away." WHOA! Then we had some crazy temperatures here yesterday - it was like 58 degrees. So I thanked God for the warm weather which would be great while I searched my attic for my HS diploma (my attic is not insulated, and absolutely frigid in the winter). I found my yearbooks, my varsity letters, awards, and lots of letters from my high school bf, but no diploma. I stopped and prayed "God, this trip down memory lane has been super fun, but I really need to find my diploma... please help me. This would be a really cool story to tell people". I opened a new box, reached in, and pulled out my diploma. NO LIE! How AWESOME is that?! I had to document this whole story so that when I inevitably have doubts again in a few months, I remember His goodness to me. He didn't have to show up like that in my life... I still would have trusted Him. But He went into the affirmation business and worked overtime so that I would feel confident & refreshed & passionate again about going into the field. WOO, I wish I could leave right now!

God's gifts put man's best dreams to shame. ~Elizabeth Barrett Browning