May 28, 2008

Oh my goodness... I leave in 35 days. I've received my passport and visa from the embassy. I started introducing my immune system to Typhoid this week. This past weekend I had my last get-away weekend with my best friends. And I've officially started packing. I've also started an interesting cycle of emotions. One second I'm so full of excitement and nervous energy that I can't possibly sit still... the next second I'm sobbing thinking about leaving everyone behind... then I calm down, and feel at peace because I'm stepping forward on a path that I know God intended for me.

In more practical news, with my one time donations and promised monthly support I'm at about 71% of my fundraising goal!!! I can't tell you how incredible that feels. What a blessing to not have to worry or stress about that aspect right now! But not only that, this process has totally changed how I feel about raising support. I hated it at first. I felt feeble and somehow greedy asking for money. Instead, I now realize that it's not really about me at all. We're on this team, but it's God's team... not mine. I can see that this has enabled others to be a part of something WITH me. Everyone is fired up! It's fantastic! I'm so thankful for the tremendous support - financially, emotionally and spiritually.

For example, a few weeks ago my good friends Seth & Anya Meeks had a rummage sale for me. I was blown away by their willingness to put in so much time & effort just to help me, but Seth assured me that he wasn't doing it just for me, he was doing it for God. Right on!The weather was fairly miserable, and we didn't seem to get much traffic, but we raised just over $1,000. I was also really encouraged by the people who not only volunteered their stuff to sell, but their time to come and help out too!

This is the bunker we built to protect us from the wind & rain

Me - cuddled up, fighting the elements. Yay Wisconsin! Charlotte & I trying to stay warm!

Eric & Ezra

Charlotte - our walking advertisement. Yes, that's a lampshade on her head!

Thank you everyone! I really can't wait to see what God is up to... what He's going to do with my life. At this point I've given up trying to make any plans for my future. I've decided to see what kind of opportunities are going to come my way, be flexible, and let Him lead. It's a very scary notion for me to go forward like this, but awfully freeing too. LOVES!

"We often think of great faith as something that happens spontaneously so that we can be used for a miracle or healing. However, the greatest faith of all, and the most effective, is to live day by day trusting Him. It is trusting Him so much that we look at every problem as an opportunity to see His work in our life. It is not worrying, but rather trusting and abiding in the peace of God that will crush anything that Satan tries to do to us. If the Lord created the world out of chaos, He can easily deal with any problem that we have." ~ Rick Joyner

March 14, 2008

Greetings, my adoring fans

I know, I know, I have been terrible with my blogging promises. But since I TALK to most of you on a regular basis, I didn’t think it was as crucial to put pen-to-paper, or fingers-to-keyboard. Nevertheless, here is what is up…

I have just about reached the peak of Mt. Paperwork. My work visa was granted last week – PRAISE GOD! It had been held up by the PNG Government for over 5 weeks, and I was beginning to get nervous about acquiring my visas on time for me to leave in July. I found out on Sunday that there are times when it can take months or even a year to get your visa, so this is a Praise indeed! The final step is to get my Entry Permit Visa. I have all of that paperwork ready to go, I’m just once again waiting on the government over there to proceed. I have all of my vaccinations, my chest x-ray, physical exam, AIDS test, police clearance, and passport all taken care of already. WHEW! What a ride!

I’ve been hearing from other missionaries serving at the Interface campus on a pretty regular basis. It’s pretty cool that they are writing to me just to introduce themselves and ask if I need anything or have questions. I already feel welcome and loved!

Also, some of you know I was supposed to have surgery for my nerve damage/bladder issues a few weeks ago. My insurance company refused to pay for it, and we had to cancel the surgery. At first I was marginally irritated… ok – furious! But already by the end of that day, I had a peace about it that could only have come from God. I had been praying about this surgery for months, and there was no guarantee it was going to help my issues. In fact, there could have been complications for me while I was in New Guinea. I felt totally comforted, that God knows what is best for me, and if He’d wanted it for me, I would have had it. (And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. ~ Romans 8:28)

It’s hard to believe that I’ll be leaving in less than 4 months. It’s starting to become "real" now. I’m not sad at the moment because God has just been showing up in tremendous ways the last couple of weeks. People I barely know or haven’t heard from in years have offered to help purchase supplies for my trip, have donated to my ministry, and one guy offered his airline miles to get me to LA. (A group of us are meeting in LA and flying to PNG together). It’s been SO encouraging. I still have a LOT (I do mean a LOT) of money to raise for the year, but it’s a start, and I fully trust that God will provide the rest through a variety of different folks.

So you can see, I’ve been learning lots of huge lessons in trust… but even more lessons on God’s abundant, overflowing, & gracious love for me.

January 8, 2008

I need to fill you all in on what God's been doing in my life since my meltdown last week.

I have to say, first of all, that I am so incredibly blessed by how supportive everyone is. I needed encouragement, and my friends & my mom were all over it! I'm reading a book that New Tribes sent me, and it talks about how important it is to have the support of your friends, family members, and your church before you go into Missions. If they are telling you that they don't feel you're ready, or that it's not a good fit for you, you should take it seriously. I'm so relieved that didn't happen to me! Not ONE person hesitated about my decision. Absolutely everyone said "Yes, that is perfect for you! I'm so excited!" Every week at church I have people asking me about how things are going. Even my boss & coworkers are pumped for me.
All of this is to say that God is continuing to make my path clear for me. It feels incredible to have so much affirmation from my peeps, but what I needed even more than that last week was affirmation from God that this is what He really wanted for me. I was doubting my decision. So over the weekend, in the midst of playing in the snow at Fort Wilderness, I asked Him to remind me of why I started pursuing missions in the first place.

I took some time by myself to go for a little hike so that I could talk to God, and LISTEN to Him. In all of the paperwork & worrying, I had forgotten "the call" I initially had. I thought back to all of the times I'd listened to missionaries talk about their ministry and how my heart would nearly burst with excitement and the desire to be a part of that. How I would get tingly all over just thinking about being a missionary "someday". How everything fell into place when I started looking into PNG- the job that was available for me, and also seemed to so perfectly fit my personality! I felt excited all over again, and the doubts started to fade. Yesterday I received an email saying that in order to get my work visa, the PNG government needs copies of my college & high school diplomas (not just transcrips - but the actual cerfiticate) for the work permit. I was like - Are you kidding me? I have no idea where that stuff is! I called UWSP to see if I could get a copy of my diploma, and they said it would be weeks before I could get it unless by some miracle they had it on file from 11 years ago. So I prayed for a miracle, and asked God to please use this to help confirm for me that He really wanted me on this path. An hour later the records office called me and said "oops, there must have been a mistake because we never sent you your official diploma and still had it on file here! We'll mail it out right away." WHOA! Then we had some crazy temperatures here yesterday - it was like 58 degrees. So I thanked God for the warm weather which would be great while I searched my attic for my HS diploma (my attic is not insulated, and absolutely frigid in the winter). I found my yearbooks, my varsity letters, awards, and lots of letters from my high school bf, but no diploma. I stopped and prayed "God, this trip down memory lane has been super fun, but I really need to find my diploma... please help me. This would be a really cool story to tell people". I opened a new box, reached in, and pulled out my diploma. NO LIE! How AWESOME is that?! I had to document this whole story so that when I inevitably have doubts again in a few months, I remember His goodness to me. He didn't have to show up like that in my life... I still would have trusted Him. But He went into the affirmation business and worked overtime so that I would feel confident & refreshed & passionate again about going into the field. WOO, I wish I could leave right now!

God's gifts put man's best dreams to shame. ~Elizabeth Barrett Browning

January 4, 2008

Yesterday I had a meltdown. I found out that I'm leaving on July 3rd, which means I have exactly 6 months to raise my support, get my visa, work permits, and my life together before I leave for a whole year. I started thinking about the enormity of the task at hand, how much I'm going to miss my friends, and questioning whether or not I really have a heart for service. I was downloading 5 new documents that needed filling out, including an employment contract (eek!) plus a 31 page manual that needs to be read, and I was eyeing up the corner in my office thinking how comforting it would be to curl up there in the fetal position. For a second, I even thought I'd made a big mistake in pursuing this... but only for a second because deep down I know that's not possible, and it's just the Enemy planting more doubts.

It seems like every missionary I've ever met is so calm - they have it all together. I wonder how they felt while they were preparing for their first mission. I have a feeling it's pretty normal to go through a time of freaking out about this decision. But since none of them live around here to give me a pep talk, I did the next best thing... I called my biggest fans and forced them to tell me it's all going to be ok, and remind me that God is Good!
So last night, after I'd been hugged, coddled, and successfully mollified, I spent some time alone in thought & prayer. I was thinking about that good ol' analogy about how God is weaving a tapestry with our lives. Up close, tapestries don't look so good - they're kind of a mess. Some of the threads don't makes sense. They seem like the wrong color and totally out of place from close up. But when you step back and look at the whole canvas, it's complex & richly designed. God sees the whole picture, and is creating something beautiful with our lives... even with those ugly threads.

As freaked out as I was (am) about leaving, I absolutely believe that everything in my life has been building up to this decision. It may not feel like the perfect time (cuz I'm kinda old) and I may miss my friends tremendously (no getting around that) but this is God's will for my life so I can trust Him to get me there, and that He knows me... and I'm going to love this! I'm going to come out of this experience trusting Him more and loving Him more than ever. It's going to be so Amazing! I really have no doubt that I'm MEANT to do this.

I'm a little embarassed to have gotten so worked up and worried. But I can't promise that it won't happen again. This is really a lesson in letting go - of selfishness, of control, and of my own not-so-well conceived ideas of what my life is supposed to look like at my age.
Thanks for all of your love & prayers. Keep on Prayin'!

God's promises are like the stars; the darker the night the brighter they shine. ~David Nicholas
Every evening I turn my worries over to God. He's going to be up all night anyway. ~Mary C. Crowley

October 31, 2007

I'm not sure why I was keeping all of this to myself, instead of sharing it with my faithful readers. Priscilla suggested that I start documenting everything I see God doing in my life this year while I get ready to be a missionary - and I agree that this will all be valuable to look back on.

I could not WAIT to get all of the paperwork from New Tribes, but when it finally arrived, I was discouraged to see how much was involved. The application itself was a BOOK - full of lovely questions like "describe your prayer & bible study habits", "briefly describe the Gospel message", "discuss a trial you went through & how you overcame it", "how are you maintaining victory over sin"... about 14 pages of questions like that! So I thought I'd just take it 1 step at a time - just do a page or 2 in a sitting instead of looking at the whole book & freaking out. I finished the first 4 pages of questions & a ton of the other paperwork (employment forms & such) in the first night & I was super excited about how focused I was, and how much I was getting done... Then I looked at the last page of the app. At the very end was a "confidential" section, that asked about your past. I was instantly completely deflated, totally defeated. I could not work on any more of the questions, all I could think about was what I should do about that last page. I briefly considered just not being honest about that part of my past... they don't need to know that, right? But I could not bring myself to lie. I called my friends Dave & Eric, literally bawling! I said "you guys told me that I'm a different person now. That you didn't ever need to hear about who I used to be because you don't even know that girl, you never met her... so why do I have to dredge all of that up now for complete strangers?! It's not fair! I don't want anyone to know this stuff - even my best friends don't know this!" They were very calm and both (completely separately) said the same thing - that I should be honest about my past, and just rely on God's sovereign plan for me. And they said that there is no way I'm the first christian with a sinful past who wanted to be a missionary! Duh, of course!! I should have realized that, but I was so stuck on my SELF that I wasn't thinking logically. They are so wise, and such good friends. (How am I ever going to be able to leave them?!!) However, I still struggled with it. That night I went to sleep and had the worst dreams of my life. I kept falling back to sleep, only to have scarier, more graphic dreams. At one point I woke up and was so terrified I couldn't move, and was too afraid to even breathe because I didn't want whatever was in my room with me to know I was there. I felt surrounded by evil. I cried out to God, and literally heard Him say "it's ok little one, don't be afraid, you're safe." I prayed that He would protect me in my dreams for the rest of the night - and He did. However, I woke up with a fever, and very ill. After a week of being so sick and spending most of the days sleeping, I finally went to the doctor and found out I had a sinus infection, bronchitis, and laryngitis (I literally couldn't speak for 2 days). Can you say - Full-Amored Spiritual Attack!?!?! I can't believe I didn't expect it! Of course, I'm about to go on the front lines for Christ, I should have known I would get some opposition from the Enemy. So I finally said - ENOUGH - and finished that last page of my application, and sent it in. I realized it was really a pride issue. I didn't want New Tribes to read about my past, but the truth is - that's what God has taken me out of... and it only shows how great His Grace, how unfailing is His love for me. So I answered every question honestly and added "All of this happened over 5 years ago, before I knew Christ. My life has since been transformed". And that's all that really matters!

My Pastor said that sometimes, God takes us through things like that just to remind us of how much we really need Him, and how much we needed Him before we knew Him. It gives us a renewed thankfulness for Him. I would say that's definitely true for me. I had forgotten how far I'd come (with God) in the last 5 years. It also taught me that while I was praying for focus to finish the paperwork - I was praying for physical focus, not Spiritual focus, which left me vulnerable. Lesson Learned!

"Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings."- 1 Peter 5:8-9

October 11, 2007

Alright, I guess it's time that I fill you all in on the details of my life. I've been holding back from blogging this until I had something solid to share... and now you can expect me to be writing a lot more.

For anyone who doesn't already know, I have started the application process to become an Associate Missionary in Papua, New Guinea for 1 year, through New Tribes Missions. (www.ntm.org for anyone interested). I will be the administrative assistant to the Interface Camp director in the Highlands.
Hopefully this does not come as too big of a shock to anyone. It is definitely something that God has put on my heart for a very long time, and I am super excited! So far, everything has been coming together so perfectly that there really can't be any doubt that this is what God has intended for me. My path is clear. There haven't been many times in my life where I've felt such certainty.

I will keep you all posted on what's happening. So far, I've filled out the initial questionaire, gotten the recommendation needed from Pastor Sid, met with Pastor Jim (head of Missionary committee at church), and now all of the official paperwork is on it's way from NTM. There is a lot to do! The earliest I will be heading off to the other side of the world is next July. The good news is that my boss is considering this a "sobatical" so that I can come back after the year & keep my sweet job. Oh, and I had an MRI this week, and got the results back the NEXT DAY! That was huge. I'm still cancer-free - YAY - Praise God!

So that's the generic update... in the future, I promise to share a lot more. Obviously I would love your prayers & support as my life is clearly about to change in the biggest & best way. ~ Me

Romans 10: 14-15 ~ How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!"