Reflections

Now that I’m back in America, I thought it appropriate to take a step back… take a moment to reflect on the 13 months & 5 days I spent living in Papua New Guinea. But how do I sum up an entire year? I could talk about the people I met, the food I tasted, the indescribable colors of the country, the wildlife, the landscape, the smells… but what does any of that matter in the big scheme? The only part that is significant and valuable is what I learned – about myself and God – and what that means for eternity.

Here is what I learned about myself:

1) Physically, I don’t NEED much and can certainly live with a lot less STUFF. And God wants me to be generous with what I do have.

2) Emotionally, I was too dependent on my relationships – friendships especially. And God wants me stop allowing the importance of those relationships to over-shadow Him, and let Him to be my portion.

3) Spiritually, I have a lot to learn about trusting God with absolutely every area of my life and being obedient. A lot to learn about who God is – His Character, His Promises, His Will, His Word. About striving to be the woman He intends me to be. I learned that God has given me an ability to impact others lives… which is a wonderful gift from Him, but also a tremendous responsibility. I need to learn to be careful with HOW I’m impacting the people He puts in my path… how am I impacting this world for Eternity.

I’ve been hearing a lot that I’ve changed. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing, but I’m hoping most people feel that it’s for the better. Hopefully I’ve grown. It would be a shame to spend a year serving the Lord with my whole life in a Third World Country and come home unchanged.

At the end of my presentation in church last Sunday, my friend Seth asked “How has your view of God changed?” What a great question. I wish I had been prepared for it. I’ve been thinking about it for the last few days, trying to remember what my view of God was before I left last summer. I think He appeared much smaller in my life back then. I think He was someone I called upon more in times of need, but didn’t depend on Him for every decision, every circumstance. How often did I turn to Him only as a last resort, after trying to do it my way first? I think that I didn’t see or understand His heart for the rest of the world until I really immersed myself in another culture… until I heard their hearts and saw their need for Him. I don’t think I understood that He could use me for much, and wanted to use me in brand new ways. I didn’t see my worth, or who I really was clearly. How has my view of God changed? He is bigger than He ever was to me, and I am more in love with Him than I ever was before.

"'Not called!' did you say? 'Not heard the call,' I think you should say. Put your ear down to the Bible, and hear him bid you go and pull sinners out of the fire of sin. Put your ear down to the burdened, agonized heart of humanity, and listen to its pitiful wail for help. Go stand by the gates of hell, and hear the damned entreat you to go to their father's house and bid their brothers and sisters, and servants and masters not to come there. And then look Christ in the face, whose mercy you have professed to obey, and tell him whether you will join heart and soul and body and circumstances in the march to publish his mercy to the world." ~ William Booth